Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
