Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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