so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
