He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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