Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
