Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
