White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
