I'm really into asian looking animals
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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