shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
