If i come over, it means nothing
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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