they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
