So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
