can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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