You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
