So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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