words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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