I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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