Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
