Christians are straight up FREAKS
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
