Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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