that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
