i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
