marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I just had sex on a roof
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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