her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
