i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
