dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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