sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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