He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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