handjob tips. give me some.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
