Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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