Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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