I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
one might say we're banned from that church
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
