That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
