I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
