some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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