...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
