My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
