This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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