thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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