my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
