Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
the condom got lost in my hair
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
