her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
