he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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