I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
