Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
