Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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