She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
