I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Randomize
