My liver just broke up with me...
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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