No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
