To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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