I'm jealous of your bromance
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Randomize
