A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
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