I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
