There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
