I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
