Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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