Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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