The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Randomize
