He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
