She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
