Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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