so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
