He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
