Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
