and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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