They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
