We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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