Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
