so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
