i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
