what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
