god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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