I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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