cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
