sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
