Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
