i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
