I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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