sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Randomize
