I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
