We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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