and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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