You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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