If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
