Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
