I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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