Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
