I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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