Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I think i got beer on your cat.
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