He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I am available for nakedness
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
