i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
