The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
