So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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