I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
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