Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
