Small penises have feelings too.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
