If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
