Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
