just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
