I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
