drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
