I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
