so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
