____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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