My hand turned me down
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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