i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
This baby is an asshole
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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